Sunday, April 2, 2017

Over it.

I will never make her smile like that again.
She wants you.

I wanted you, you left me.
You want her,

It wont make it feel less dirty or give justification to it by asking me to be a part of it after I caught you both in the ultimate betrayal. It fells like she cheated on me with my wife.

She wanted to be my wife. You already are.
Now she wants you to be hers and I'll just be left alone again.

Fucked up part is I did this. What did I expect.
"You gave her to me." FUCK YOU. I fought to keep her and she chose you. I didn't give her. You stole her to make it better,. She carried the small flame, you fanned it with attention. FUCK YOU

You burned my things, you played the Social media victim card. Got the attention you wanted. I became the Bad Guy.

Now where are your loyal followers?
Oh yeah, thats right, "No one needs to know my business"

I can't. I won't. I'll just wait, then I'll quietly leave.
Neither of you will notice, I don't matter.


Sunday, February 12, 2017


I'm sorry, I love you. 

Forgive me Someday. 

Understand me, where I am, how we got here and try to find the light to heal. 

You are perfect. 

This is me. 
I am imperfect. 

My love for you is immeasurable. 

I am unworthy of you. 
Always have been. 


Thursday, April 25, 2013

It's been awhile...

I haven't posted in awhile. I know this. I have a lot to say, I just can't get it all out. Where to begin...
Ok, my wife has been overall pretty good at most of the rules and guidelines we have set up and agreed upon. She has her days where she is kind of bratty and argumentative, but overall, pretty good.
There was a HUGE rule broken again and a very very intense punishment that had taken place. Probably harshest punishment to date.
The next night, we were in the midst of intimacy and she asked me to spank her and push her.
We always seperate DD and our bedroom activities, I rarely ever use my hand for punishment, we never have sex right before or after punishment, the position in which I spank her....very strict.
I didn't think of anything when she asked me to push her. I rolled her over onto her stomach and really started to push her, somewhere in the midst of orgasms and spanking, she had completely submitted to me. That moment she finally broke. It was exactly what we had wanted, her to give herself to me 100%.
It was also the exact moment she began to freak out,cry, and hyperventilate. I picked her up, carried her to our couch and just held her. All I would say is, "I love you; you are safe with me." I kept her in my arms while she cried and tried to get away, I just held her and repeating myself. That went on for about half an hour. She finally started to breathe easier and sort of looked around and asked how we got to the living room. I told her everything that had happened, she drank some water, I took her to bed, held her all night and slept hard....both of us.
The next day she said she didn't remember any of it from shortly after she asked me to spank her until she asked how we got to the couch.
We talked for hours the next night about a lot of things and both came to the realization that DD brought us here to help her and I work through all of the scars we bear from our pasts. It forces us to talk, to listen, to be better more disciplined people. In a nutshell, her finally submitting to me and realizing she is safe in my arms is the most love she has ever felt. I truly love her with every fiber of my being. We are in this for more than a clean house, a balanced budget, and all of my wants and needs met unconditionally. We are here to balance each other and feel safe in our actions we take as a couple. This is why we do this...
Until next time Folks,

Monday, April 1, 2013


     My long weekends are the most difficult for us. I work a 12 hour night schedule. Long weekends consist of working 12 hours on Friday, coming home, sleeping, getting up, going back in...repeat until Monday morning. This happens every other weekend.

     Since we began DD we saw most infractions are taking place on my long work schedule. When we sat down and talked about it, we realized it is because I am her HoH, my job is to take care of her and make sure her needs are met too. When I am working crazy hours it becomes really hard for me to meet these needs, which makes her go a little crazy and almost WANT to break rules, more than likely for the attention a punishment spanking will bring.

     What I decided to do this time was a quick Maintenance session Friday right before I left. I actually surprised her with it. We usually discuss what day we do it on and make a plan for it. (Lots of teenagers and our toddler son make it hard for unscheduled

     I told her to come with me to our bedroom while I was getting dressed so we could talk about the weekend and my expectations. When she stepped into the room, I was dressed and waiting for her on the bed with our punishment implements ready. I gave her a very quick and intense spanking on her bare bottom and held her close until the minute I had to leave.

     Later in the night before she went to bed, she sent me a text saying she felt so much better and had no infractions on the night. This carried over to Saturday, and Sunday I gave her a quick hand spanking to ensure her last night was smooth.

     The other thing we found that really helped is having a friend in DD for her to talk to. We post in a forum and my wife has been talking to another submissive in a similar situation. Her friend's HoH and myself both agree this is a good thing for them. They can talk to each other through email all weekend if it helps to stay out of trouble and it does not interfere with day to day family life or expectations. I would highly recommend this to any other couple out there. It's a relatively small and private group we are part of, and it's great to have others who understand.

I am proud to say we made it through the weekend trouble free and will celebrate with a little maintenance to wrap up the weekend and a little "spoiling" later. ;-)

Until next time folks,

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Crime And Punishment

The hardest thing for me to do is make sure that the punishment fits the infraction. As HoH,  I always try to be fair in punishment.

Two infractions took place since the last post that I want to address.

Number 1: Overspending on her personal budget for the week. We have agreed upon a $30 limit for personal spending. This doesn't seem like much but all of her needs are taken care of, I spoil her rotten and all she has to do is ask if she can have more money. She has overspent the past 2 weeks. Instead of reaching  for the paddle to spank her already bruised from Maintenance ass, I  decided to take all of her money away. I made her give me all of her cash and plastic. She has lost the privilege of spending for 2 weeks. This has almost killed her. Lol. To add a little salt to the wound, I decided to go to a few of her favorite stores while we were running errands to get the point across. I am sure this will fix any spending issues in her future.

Number 2: Texting while driving. This is a repeat offense as well. The first time she got quite the spanking and a lecture about the dangers and example she is setting for our own children. I don't think another spanking would have done the trick here so I got creative and took the advice from a forum I posted on. It said use technology to punish for technology. This made perfect sense. I chose to have her do a 4 minute Power Point presentation suitable to show our kids and share publicly comparing the rates of car accidents between texting and non texting accidents. The rate of Teens vs. Adults that text and drive. How to prevent it and what promises she is going to make to our driving age teenage daughters. This sounds like I let her off a little easy, but have you ever tried to make a presentation last 4 minutes? She is not very comfortable with the Power Point program either, so I know this will be a huge challenge. She was given a week to do this and she has 3 days left. I hope she doesn't disappoint.

My job is to take measures necessary to ensure our home is run smoothly, I am still new at DD and being the HoH and am  not sure if spanking should be the automatic go to whenever an infraction has taken place. I do maintenance spankings with her and took her over my knee just last night for being disrespectful. So spanking is never off the table, I just don't feel like it always fits the situation. I see the need for it and advocate Maintenance when necessary. I also need to take into consideration her bottom... it's still bruised from a very intense Maintenance spanking the night before these infractions took place, so to do it again may put her at risk of breaking the skin or blood clots. Taking spending away, revoking driving privileges, writing essays and rules over and over can drive the point home too.

Hope the week finds you all with Light, Love, Peace and Unspanked Bottoms! Be good folks!
Until next time,

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Grateful & Meds

I broke out in massive hives over the past few days. Haven't figured out why yet, but that's a side issue.

Instead of writing about her incidents of rule breaking and subsequent punishment, I wanted to write about the care my beautiful wife has given me since the outbreak.

The first morning I had them, she ran a bath, washed me, filled me with Benadryl, and put me to bed where I slept for 8 hours.

I was feeling a bit better, so decided to go to work the next night. I made it 10 out of 12 before the hives got so bad I could not function. I think I took enough benadryl to put down a small elephant.

I called my wife to ask her to get me because I was groggy and lethargic from the Benadryl. She said yes without hesitation. At 4 in the morning, she picked me up from work and brought me home. I slept another 10 hours. After I woke up the hives were still there and beginning to travel down my throat. She took me to the hospital, sat with me and brought me home again where she planted me on the couch to sleep.

I woke up to her sitting next to me playing with our son. I felt really loved that she was still by my side even when I slept all day and am sick. I am truly grateful for her and everything she does for me. Man I am lucky.

Until next time folks,

Monday, March 11, 2013

20 times MIGHT be the charm...

My wife was definitely in a mood yesterday.

I spent most of the day in my workroom finishing projects. I kept hearing the baby cry and I asked my daughter where her mother was. Before my daughter could answer my wife yelled, "What do you want?". Not in a freindly "Can I pick you up anything from the market?" kind of way, it was the "I am so angry I could laser your face off!" kind of way. TOTALLY uncalled for and way out of line. To top it off, when I went to talk to her about the situation she walked away from me mid-sentence.

Now, we just had a maintenance spanking the night before that pushed some limits and she still has a stinging bottom from it. I didn't want to spank her for fear of actually hurting her or leaving harsh bruises.

I decided to have have her write out all 3 pages of our rules 20 times each before I get home from work in the morning. Maybe after so much writing, she will memorize some of the rules and hopefully not break them again.

I know she is trying, I know the house was in chaos yesterday and I know I wasn't available to her all day. Still no reason to yell at or walk away from me, I am still the HoH and will be treated as such.

Until next time,